Go · Fuck · Yourself! · at · the · Disco

Last night I spent in the hospital. Turns out my innocence died a while back. I guess I'm no long attractive, because nothing's more resuring then distaste. Nothing that is but death, but I'll spare you the heart ache.

There are not enough words in a letter and enough letters in a word to convince you to come back to me. The way you were, the we were. And to think. I almost gave you my everything.

[Today I'll say goodbye to the real world and live in my own. Where he doesn't exist, and all the right people die.]

Not feeling to well. You know that sinking feeling you get in your stomach when everyone's rooting for you, but you? I've had that for a while now. it really needs to go away.

Then, there's also this sinking feeling in my heart, when I realize that I can't brighten up ANYONES day anymore. Not even yours. Maybe we should get drunk and dive into Navy Pier on the 10th. Me, You, and the water. It'll be great fun. We could be like Jack and Rose, just much more morbid. We could both die, woudln't that be grand? Agreed.

And I get this sinking stomach whenever you look at me. Yes, you. I hate it. Please stop. I'm not worth your time, and you're a waste of mine. Just go focus on someone else, okay. I'm better off without you. You weigh me down and laugh when I choke.

fucking bastard.
why do I love you.
I need to be medicated.
severly.

down and out. fast and painless. ketchup and mustard. me and you. salt and pepper. school and lust. poetry and suicide. life and terminal illnesses. birth and death. love and heartbreak.


you'd make the prettiest angel.

you know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. you would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. santa clause, the tooth fairy, prince charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. most people turn to the things and people they can trust. but the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
I'm just feeling kind of upset about everything right now. My legs are fucking black and blue from lunch today, and i've been in a really iffy mood all week. Even my birthday didn't make it happy. Why am I a fuck up?


nonchalant.nostalgia.kinetic theory.christian dior.alina.claire.lame quotes.did i mention nostalgia?.no ink.no inspiration. andy. evan. talking about my generation.

Thank your lucky stars that everything I've wished for will never come true.

I know I've said this about 90000 times, but parents are the span of satans. I know, this would make me Satan's granddaughter--don't start.But, like, Monday they were like 'Sure, you and Sara can go to the 2*Sweet show' and not they're like 'WTF?!? We never said that'. That pisses me off so much, though, because
a) it's by my birthday. so basically, they're just being cruel.
b) justin said he'd sing me happy birthday and now I might not be there for it.

I'm kind of mad at Marek to. Ever since I told him...yeah...he's been giving me the cold shoulder. And I don't take being avoided well at all. I mean, like, where's the hug he promised me? what a meanie. Also, Lyn is deicded that now I have this new haircut I should become preppy or something. Which I am so not happy about. It's like she's indirectly saying she doesn't like how I dress. I was like 'jezz. feel the love there'.

But, my party is on Saturday, and I'm trying so hard to be nice to people so they'll still come. I mean, my mom would probably think I'm more of a social reject if none of my friends come to my party. But, I don't see why they wouldn't, unless Mary Kay's still being a hypochondriac about my stupid question. I mean, okay, it came off kinda of rude, but did she have to CRY over it and tell the whole fucking world? No. My point exactly.

And now, I've been at Dominican for around 5 hours and I'm getting really tired. I've been staring at the same yellow walls and grey carpet for 5 hours. It's getting really really old. If I have to come here any more times I WILL cry.

6 Days, thank god.

Ciao.